As the cooler fall weather arrives in the Northeast, I feel “enlivened” all over and a great happiness fills me. It’s the same for me every year: the fall represents change and the beginning of a new cycle, new possibilities, death/rebirth. This is even more so this year, which has been one of the most transformational, to the point of surreal / bizarre, of my entire life.
I haven’t written for a while, and the circumstances behind this are part of the surreality of the scene here. We’ve been involved in a very ugly child custody battle with Rebekah’s ex, and I had to curtail the “narcissistic ramblings” for a while because they were actually being used against me in the lawsuit (what the ?!*@). The details of the case are stranger than fiction, suffice to say that the case was finally settled in late August and so I am free once again to say whatever I want. The settlement was a triumph of common sense over insanity, and having this off our backs has been huge.
I do have some exciting news about my new business – an internet marketing and social media consulting business – which will launch in a few days. That is not, however, what I want to talk about today, which is my process through this. If you really can’t wait to hear about the business, you can have a peek here.
I have been out of work for over 9 months now – the longest time in my life – and also the longest time of introspection and “consciousness research” (with myself as subject) that I have ever had. The decision to take this time off was not very conscious, and involved taking risks that a wiser or more prudent person might not have taken. As in all the important decisions of my life, however, this was something that I felt compelled to do, as if some higher and as-yet-unknown purpose was guiding me. It was a completely “unreasonable” and “irresponsible” decision, and it felt totally right. How smart a decision it was, only time will tell; but there have been a great number of very positive and exciting things come about.
Trellis House started out the year with a bang, producing in rapid succession both our first Morehouse course and a weekend course with Saniel Bonder (who is still, to my mind, one of the most brilliant developmental philosophers on the planet, and with whom I have a personal relationship now). Over the summer, two new people came to live with us, and we also somehow (God only knows how, considering we didn’t “have a pot to piss in”) found the resources to build out three new rooms in the house. We are now 10 people with a few rooms still available, and very close to turning a profit, money which will pay, among others things, for courses and training for residents. The idea of the “community of fun, love and transformation” is becoming a reality.
An even more fundamental transformation, however, has taken place inside of me. My willingness to “push the edge” this year (financially, relationally, psychologically), to conduct my life as an ongoing “experiment in consciousness”, and still come out the other side in one piece, has been proven in action. I have had to confront all of my anxieties, neuroses and addictions in the process, in addition to the classic pitfalls of “romantic” personalities in general: ungroundedness, self-inflation and hubris. I have had to take in (and take to heart) some very negative feedback from several friends who thought that I had lost my marbles. Negative feedback tends to push me in the direction that I need to go in anyway, and so it was very useful to hear this. But this period is now coming to an end.
As I begin the next stage of my life, that of an internet business coach and entrepreneur, I am delighted, excited, sad and a bit nostalgic. Delighted at all that has happened, both internally and externally; excited about the future; and sad that it didn’t come out as I expected, took way longer, and that the work is not yet over:
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment” — Sufi sage/fool Mulla Nasrudin
… which is just another reminder that happiness is a choice.
And another quote from one of my favorite transformational coaches:
“If your mind is on the right path, it doesn’t matter how fast you go. If you’re on the right path, you’ll get there. Commitment keeps you on the path. — Steve Chandler”
Stay tuned for my next post, which will contain details of my new business and some general reflections on the internet marketing profession.
