I have put the polyphasic sleep thing on hold, prior to even starting it, as I have developed a low-grade chronic fatigue (CFS). I am quite happy, just tired and droopy for the last two weeks. Historically such things clear out with time and super-healthy diet and exercise, but it cannot be rushed. I only want to make one attempt at polyphasic sleep and I want it to succeed, so in line with “discretion is the better part of valor” I am pulling out.
I have received a great deal of very interesting feedback on this experiment, for whatever reasons. Many people told me very honestly what they thought about all this, which was very nice. Some thought that I had really “gone off the deep end” this time. Others that my writing was showing clear signs of hypomania. That I was the most self-involved person that they knew. That sleep deprivation is highly contra-indicated for someone with manic or hypomanic tendencies. That I could end-up in the psych ward, or in a fatal car crash. Etc. (although fyi there was no driving planned during adaptation).
I think that all this is good feedback, and quite true for the most part. In general by the way, I usually really appreciate negative feedback, which I take in the spirit of “take what you like and leave the rest”. I have found that even when it’s more about the person giving it than me, it tends to nudge me in the direction that I should be going in anyway. It would certainly do me no harm to pay more attention to other people, chill out a bit on the writing sometimes, ponder whether my actions are wise, etc.
And so, I have no issue with any of this, which I think is the same feedback that any rational person would give from an objective (external) assessment of my situation. What people don’t see however, for the most part – which nobody really can see – is the intensity of my determination to succeed: that “definiteness of purpose and a burning desire” of which Napoleon Hill speaks of. I think that this will be the deciding factor. Also the fact that I have love in my life, in the form of an extremely supportive wife and family (Rebekah has been wonderful throughout this); and lastly the pure-and-simple compelling motivation of psychic survival. I cannot bear the thought of spending the next two decades in front of a computer all day while the sun is shining. I want to be self-employed and to work at night.
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, the providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”
– W.H Murray (sometimes erroneously attributed to Goethe)
And the actual Goethe quote:
“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.”
I am grateful for the life I have, for my friends and family, and for the tremendous opportunities for growth, love and transformation that are offered to me every day. Most of all I am grateful for my wonderful wife and children and community without whom none of this would be possible.
Happy new year everyone!
My friend Dave H. wrote me as follows (posted with his permission)
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I enjoyed your email. I wanted to address the self-involved comment.
I could see where someone would say that – all this personal evolution of me, consciousness experimentation etc. But here’s the thing – you’re writing the contents of your head out there for people to read. I think anyone who does that will seem “self-involved” to other people. And yet, what else are you supposed to do? If you’re going to get your writing out there for “the world”, then you’re going to write out the contents of your head. And it’s YOUR head. So I think it’s going to seem self-involved to some people. When you’re a famous author, people might still call you self-involved, but anyone in the limelight seems that way to the “other” people – the consumers of the art. I almost always think actors and artists are self-involved. By the way, the multiple acknowledgements you made of Rebekah and the girls felt good to me. Hope you feel better soon. Dave