Big news — in a few weeks I will be leaving Thailand and moving to the Tamera community in Portugal! It will take me a few months to get there, as I am taking a circuituous route that includes a 10-day silent meditation, a month in my mentor Mike Jay‘s rural Philippine island paradise and in Manila, and some time with my sister in Geneva, Switzerland (I have family everywhere, as my brothers and sisters more-or-less share my wanderlust
The reason for the move is simple: my work in Thailand is done. I have been in an indescribable state since this came down about 5 days ago. I always describe myself as a “glass half-empty” kind of person. Well, not all the time, it seems. I am just plain happy. No needs. Those who know me will likely be shocked. I am shocked myself. (As an aside, us “glass half-empty” people have an evolutionary function: we challenge cultural norms and find the flaws in other people’s thinking. So be kind to us).
The details of how this came about, all the different insights and bits of information that have flowed down in the last 6 weeks, pieces that essentially complete the jigsaw puzzle of my life, that make sense of my struggle for the last 25 years, would be too long to write. But I do want to give the highlights.
I finished the second revision of my book, Love, Sex and Power for Men, 3 weeks ago. I was very happy with it, but additional events came down that resulted in another major revision, which took me about 5 days. It is now finally palatable (and maybe even interesting) to women as well. I have published the introduction and a few key chapters here, in case you are interested.
The book is a summary of everything that I have learned about human development and man/woman relationships in the last 25 years, including lessons from the many wise and powerful teachers that I have worked with. Fundamentally, it is both a persuasion piece and a resource manual for a lifestyle that I have been seeking my entire life. Quoting from the introduction:
“This book describes a way of life: men and women living inside an inter-dependent network of active communication, feedback and appreciation – a “network of love”, or a culture of acknowledgement and affirmation. This way of life is hard work, and is not for everyone, but if the idea resonates, read on.”
I have experienced this many times in my life journey: at Trellis House and with Rebekah, in the Morehouses that I lived in or visited, at Shalom Mountain, in many intimate relationships both sexual and non-sexual, with my family, I had many moments of it here in Thailand, etc.
But what has finally come down crystal-clear (like a 10,000 Volt shock), is this: I want to live like that all the time, and not just occasionally. And I finally believe that it is possible.
How and why did this become possible, all of a sudden? It’s simple. First of all, the book, when it’s published, will serve as an “attractor” — draw to me people and resources who are aligned with these ideas. And secondly — well, Tamera appears to be 100% ideologically aligned. Even if Tamera is not my ultimate destination, it’s so clearly the next stop on this journey. One of the fundamental ideas of Tamera is that we cannot have peace in the world so long as men and women are at war with each other. One of the founders of Tamera, Dieter Duhm, was a political activist/radical for many years. He eventually concluded that the reason that most alternative & utopian political movements have failed had to do with relationships between the sexes. He writes about it very beautifully on one of the community’s manifestos here.
Bingo. I am in. Bought my air ticket. Done. No hesitation.
So that’s that. It is both a career change (I want to write, research and educate on relationships and sexuality), and a new way of life (I want to be part of a developmental group). These are the only two things I have ever deeply wanted: purpose, and connection.
On a practical level, Tamera doesn’t open to visitors until mid-April. After Geneva, I plan to rent a room or cottage nearby and enjoy a quiet southern Mediterranean winter in the rural Portuguese countryside. I need to do about 3 solid months of work on the WordPress business now to keep the money flowing. I am really extremely lucky to have a business that can support me in this fashion, and with this little work (comparatively). It actually works out perfectly that Tamera is not open until mid-April. Of course, I could have stayed in Thailand until April and worked, but I wanted to visit my sister and I wanted a change of scene. And I prefer the cold weather for working and a bit less intense environment. I am getting the message from many sources (both human and divine): slow down!